Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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