He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
