i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
