Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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