I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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