Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you would pick up someone in the library
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
