now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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