Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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