last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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