I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Liz is crying about burritos again.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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