I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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