I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
