20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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