Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
