I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
