and you said cock pushups were impossible
I feel great
I just peed on a car
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
