How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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