I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
