To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
