Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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