her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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