sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
