I didn't shave. On purpose
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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