its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
