did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
