i was rollin on her like bob the builder
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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