I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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