just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
