i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
