I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
