guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
