ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
