She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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