I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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