the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
