brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
