So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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