come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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