I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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