im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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