I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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