Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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