I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
