guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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