you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
