I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
