Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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