also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
