So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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