We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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