Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
