I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
