a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
