thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
