I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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