im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
