Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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