i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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