How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i would punch a child for taco bell
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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