i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
