theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
